> The internet has provided a plethora of information that has so > enriched my life. On that account, I pause to reminisce and thank > ........ you ....... for any participation ... :>) > > I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about > > poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to > > use a wet towel with every envelope that needs > > sealing. > > > Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open > > for the same reason. > > > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a > > sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the > > hospital for the 1,387,258th time. > > > I no longer have any money at all, but that will > > change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill > > Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for > > participating in their special e-mail program. > > > I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 > > angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena > > has granted my every wish. > > > I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are > > actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or > > feathers. > > > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though > > I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. > > > Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get > > answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends > > and make a wish within five minutes. > > > Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola > > because it can remove toilet stains. > > > I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone > > along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl > > in my back seat when I'm pumping gas. > > > I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people > > who make these products are atheists who refuse to put > > "Under God" on their cans . > > I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it > > causes cancer. > > > And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of > > water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up > > in my face...disfiguring me for life. > > > I no longer check the coin return on pay phones > > because I could be pricked with a needle infected with > > AIDS. > > > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will > > drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. > > > I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since > > they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. > > > I no longer shop at Target since they are French and > > don't support our American troops or the Salvation > > Army. > > > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask > > me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill > > with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore , and > > Uzbekistan. > > > I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus > > since I now have their recipe. > > > Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine > > because a big brown African spider is lurking under > > the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my > > butt. > > > And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up > > $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably > > was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath > > my car to grab my leg. > > > I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas > > from certain gas companies! > > > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 > > people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with > > diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this > > afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest > > your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know > > this will occur because it actually happened to a > > friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's > > second husband's cousin's beautician... > > > Have a wonderful day.... > > > Oh, by the way.....A South American scientist from > > Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that > > people with insufficient brain activity read their > > e-mail with their hand on the mouse. > > > Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. > >
Orignal From: Read...and have a nice day!!!!
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